Catching Up With Old Friends

Police: Woman Helped Robber

I believe in you, Kate! Not guilty! Not guilty!

It May Be Time For A Trip Home...

Bar To Host Naked Karaoke

As you may recall from a previous entry, a bar down the street from where I spent my formative years has been engaged in almost a year of ridiculous legal struggles for the right to host a Naked Karaoke night. This past weekend, it won.

And it made national news! When I signed onto AIM just now, it was a headline in that annoying AIM today window that always pops up. A quick Google search showed that we made newspapers all over the country! We were in USA Today! That shit's in color, yo! We're famous! I have never been so proud.

Sadly, my father reports (because apparently he was there, which is something he and I will have to talk about) that while there were many performers that night, none of them actually took their clothes off.

Maybe they'll do another one soon. In which case, Pam, my invitation is still open.

The Fair

The Berlin Fair went as follows:



Here is the fair in all its Berliny glory, which includes two nu-goth/punk kids. "Hold up!" says PunkBoy to PunkGirl, "I think there's a sale at Hot Topic! Let's go!"



My companions for the day, Brenda and Bob, enjoy the fair cuisine.

And then it was time to see the Adult and Children's craft exhibits. People often enter their collections, under the mistaken assumption that they're impressive. Sorry, nine year-old kid whose parents actually let him enter his collection of "Crab Bodies" (which are, yes, crab body parts he most likely found while walking along Connecticut's polluted coastline), but you're not that cool. And you need a better hobby. Here are two of the more awesome collections:



This was in the "adult" section. Some people won't let the only major professional sports team to bless this state go. Even though it's been gone for like ten years. And I can't believe he won second prize. That's it! Next year I'm entering my collection of grass clippings.



She loves gimp. Hee.

And then it was off to the petting zoo. Last year, there was a small incident when the donkey bit my arm. Hard. So hard that it left a donkey-mouth-shaped bruise on my forearm that didn't go away for a week, and everyone laughed at me. I didn't tell the fair officials, but I guess someone found out, because this year:



Precautionary measures had been taken.



I vent my frustration at the shooting gallery. The carny was suitably impressed at my mad shooting skillz. He said I could have won a prize if I hadn't gotten "carried away" at the end and gone all "G.I. Jane." Whatever; I didn't want a prize. I just wanted the thrill of shooting at stuff.



Brenda and I share a free hot dog, given to us by a "Doggie Shack" worker who's friends with Bob. It's still a thrill to be able to buy beer, after going to the fair for fifteen years and being underage. When Bob saw how this picture came out, he said I looked "mentally retarded." Maybe so, but check out Weird Beard in the back.



By the end of a long day, even the carnies are all tuckered out! Shhh...they're so cute when they're sleeping.

And now I'm off to England. Because England doesn't have the internet, I won't be able to update until I come back next week. If you miss me, you can read my latest recap.

Countdown to CT, PART THE THIRD

I don't know what kind of weirdo you are, but if awesome fairs and Streets of Sin aren't enough for you, then perhaps a tour of Berlin's historical homes is more your style:


*The link will take you to Casey's tripod-hosted site, so unless you've some kind of pop-up blocker, expect to be assaulted by ten trillion pop-up ads. Sorry.

I'm not sure if this is explained in the tour anywhere, but once upon a time four years ago, the Berlin Town Council decided to create a new "blight" ordinance, probably because they couldn't think of any more decency ordinances. The ordinance was introduced with a "blight" list, which provided the addresses and owners of eleven (I think) properties that were in violation of the ordinance. How embarassing for them. The house by the post office with the bathtub in the backyard did not make the list, leading me to wonder what could be more "blighted" than that. So I gathered Casey, Chris, and my brother/cameraman Ryan to go on a video and photo tour of Berlin's Most Blighted.

Countdown to CT, part 2

Just in case my description of The Berlin Fair wasn't enough to convince you of why I am so excited about my triumphant return to my hometown, here are a few news articles about the latest goings-on in the area:

1. World-Famous Naked Karaoke. That's right: it's world famous. We made international news for the first, and probably last, time with this.

2. Mingles. It was Connecticut's premiere swingers club until the police shut it down. Sadly, this article neglects to mention the exciting "theme rooms."

3. Massage Parlor of Ill Repute. I pegged this place as being a brothel years before the police took action. They were open late into the night, and they had NEON SIGNS in the windows.

Here's the best part: as you can see on the Map of Sin, all three of these business are located ON THE SAME STREET:



I have taken the time to highlight the street in sinful red (the less vibrant red street is a highway; ignore this), and point out the locations of each establishment, also in sinful red. The radiating yellow you see is the Triangle of Goodness, where the Dairy Queen is located.

I would also like to point out that Stop and Shop has been trying to open a new superstore on Farmington Avenue, (the Den of Sin), but many Berlin residents are protesting this because they think Farmington Ave., and this is a semi-verbatim quote, should be a tree-lined street where small businesses and bistros can thrive. Until the police shut them down for violating our town's strict decency ordinances.

And where am I in all of this? I can't tell you my exact address, but I will say that you can see my street on the map. So I used to live close to the Den of Sin, but closer still to a convent. And the local retarded child molester, but that's another story.

(F)unemployment

Today begins my first day of unemployment. Work on The Apprentice shall continue, but without me, because I'm going back to CT for a few weeks. My uncle is getting married in England, so I'll be flying home, then to England, and then back to CT, where I'll hang out for a while until Survivor starts again.

There is so much to look forward to:

1. The Berlin Fair: how thoughtful of my uncle and soon-to-be aunt to plan their wedding right around the time of the Berlin Fair, so I could have an excuse to come home and go to the Fair. The Berlin Fair is awesome, y'all. There are tractor pulls and horse shows and carnies and craft contests. It doesn't even matter that the same five people enter the same wooden car models and quilts every year so they can get the same "Best in Show" prize and accompanying ten dollar award. And the Pisgah Mountain Primatives are back this year!

2. Discovery Health Channel: finally, I have a few hours so I can catch up on all the medical documentary shows I've missed since the last time I was unemployed. I kicked it off right last night by watching a three-hour documentary in the "Extreme Surgeries" series. Prominently featured in the show was Geoff Ritchie, who has a port wine stain birthmark that puts Mikhail Gorbachov to shame. Only click on the link if you are ready to see a hardcore birthmark, the likes of which you have probably never seen before. And even after his seven "extreme" surgeries, there wasn't much the doctors could do for Geoff. So that was depressing, but then they also had some bits about two girls with severe scoliosis who had successful -- and "extreme" -- back surgeries that straightened everything out. When I watch shows like this, I almost miss my days working in the hospital lab with no windows. Almost.

3. Writing: I'm not coming back to LA without finishing something. That's all there is to it. For a while now, I've had some ideas that I want to get started on, but I didn't have the time. Well, now I have the time. So I guess I should do it.

4. I think my uncle is getting married or something. That should be fun. Oh, and seeing my family. I guess that'll be cool too.