Trip, Day One

You may have noticed that this entry is back-dated. That's because I'm going to post entries about my trip as if it were happening in real time! Please hold your applause, if you even can.

Monday night, we left for England. I did not sleep on the plane, for I must remain ever-vigilant in listening for any suspicious engine noises that would indicate that our plane was about to crash. Advanced notice might be the difference between Surviving the Plane Crash and Not Surviving the Plane Crash. For example, three additional seconds of warning could be enough time to finish the rudimentary parachute/flotation device I will construct out of the under-seat life vest, the wires from the complimentary headphones, and the complimentary blanket.

We landed on in Birmingham on Tuesday morning (six hour plane ride plus five hours time difference equals mid-morning landing). I've never been to Birmingham before; my family is from just south of London. But my soon-to-be aunt's family is from the midlands, so the wedding is being held here. We will all be staying in the Ardencote Manor. The American contigent of the family is the first to arrive; the Swedish contingent will be arriving on Wedneday and the English contigents will be here by Thursday. Our rooms were not ready, so we were invited to wait in the restaurant, which we did, only to find out that lunch was not being served for another hour, so all we could order was tea. But this was okay because they gave us the best scones I have ever eaten.

When our rooms were ready, I commenced my time-honored jetlag-beater sleeping plan, which is to sleep for two full days. my slumber was interrupted by dinner, which we had at a pub down the street. I had steak pie. My mom had lasagna. My dad wanted to get something with bacon in it, but then my mother reminded him that he was on a diet so that he could be the Thinnest Brother at the wedding. This was the first I had heard of such a contest, which is mainly because the contest only existed in my father's mind, along with the "Manliest Brother" and "Best-Looking Brother" contests. My father has three brothers, but my mother and I agreed that my father had a good chance to win the last two contests, but the Thinnest Brother has been and will always be Greg, who lives in Sweden where they only eat fish, which is a slimming. Dad responded that Greg probably eats a lot of creamed fish, which is not as slimming, and that as Greg approaches middle-age, his incredible metabolism is sure to have slowed.

Tomorrow: Greg and his Swedish ladies arrive. Will Greg still be the thinnest brother, or has he been usurped from his slender throne by my father? I visit a castle, and take many pictures. We make a return visit to the restaurant, but things have changed.