STORM WATCH 2004

While I was in Connecticut, I heard reports that it was raining back in Los Angeles, which it tends to do for week every six months or so. By the time I got back, it seemed the rain was over. I was disappointed, mostly because I missed the chance to get a free car wash. Also because Casey told me that every time it rained, the news was all over it, issuing "weather warnings" and showing LIVE pictures from the Doppler radar...of a few scattered showers. STORM WATCH 2004, the flashy graphics screamed, punctuated by dramatic orchestral music.

But yesterday it rained again!


DEVASTATION!!! Some areas of the map are DARK GREEN! That's THREE INCHES of rain, y'all! Break out the ponchos and canned goods and get to a higher location! WE COULD BE FLOODED WITH UP TO AN INCH OF WATER!!!

I was leaving Target when I noticed a group of people standing around by the exit. They didn't want to go outside when it was raining. Los Angeles people are so wimpy when it comes to rain. They're all "be careful driving! You don't want to HYDROPLANE!!!" They won't even go outside when it rains, like they're all the Wicked Witch of the West or something. I come from New England; I drive through blizzards, like, every day. Ain't no rain going to stop me. So I passed that group of wimps with my head held high and I did not even bother to put my sweatshirt hood over my head. And I walked out of that Target and I got about three feet outside when I realized that it wasn't just raining outside; it was hailing. And that was why everyone was afraid to go outside. Because hail fucking hurts. But I couldn't turn around and run back inside the Target because I had made such a point of leaving it.

So my run to my car went something like this:

Ow! Fuck. Ow! Shit. Ow! Motherfucker. Ow!

Et cetera. But at least I had my pride!

I thought the worst was over once I got into the shelter of my car. But then I had to drive home, and I might know how to drive in rain, but the sewers of Los Angeles have a capacity of about two gallons, so they were all exploding with water and flooding the streets and highways. I did manage to make it home without having to use the knowledge of what to do when one's car hydroplanes that I learned in driver's ed and have never used since, which is bad because hydroplaning sounds kind of cool, but good because I realized when I got home, after calling GEICO, that my insurance policy had been cancelled. Two months ago. Whoops! Apparently, the payment I thought I had made via their "EZ Pay" website feature did not go through properly. But as of midnight yesterday, my policy has been reinstated, and a hundred dollar fine from the Department of Motor Vehicles will be appearing in my mailbox soon.

One of the best things about rain in Los Angeles is that when it's over, the air is clearer than it's ever been. Evil Roommate and I, who vowed to resolve our differences upon my return to Los Angeles, took a drive to the hills to take full advantage of the stunning view. We couldn't take my car, since I didn't have insurance, so we had to take his, even though it smells like horse piss and he plays country music. When we reached a vantage point from Mulholland Drive, we were stunned to discover that Los Angeles is actually surrounded by mountains. I had never seen these mountains before.

And I got some pictures of the city:


The eastern side. In the foreground, towards the bottom, is the Hollywood Bowl. I will be returning to this area the next time a good band is playing there for a FREE concert. I wish I knew about this when the Pixies were here. Oh, those tall buildings in the distance are downtown LA.


This picture is darker and not as clear as the first one, but you can still see the ocean.

I will be writing about Day Four of my trip to England sooner or later. Maybe tomorrow!