An Exchange 8 Minutes Ago

Man: Hey can I ask you a question can I hang out with you?
Me: No.
Man: YEAH, THAT'S WHAT I THOUGHT, BITCH!

Well then why did you even ask? Now I have to run into the Trader Joe's and stay there until they remove you from the parking lot or close for the night and I will be unable to resist the siren song of their English Toffee even though I'm trying to cut excess sugar out of my diet.

Also, note to the guy who saw the whole thing happen and chose to stand there gawking instead of intervening on my behalf: I know you were just trying not to get stabbed, but now we can never date. You should have just pretended that nothing was happening and averted your eyes like all the other people in the parking lot.

An Exchange 8 Years Ago

Mom: Do we have any strawberry jelly? I thought we had jelly in the pantry. Does anyone know where the jelly is?
My Brother: I don't think you're ready for this jelly.
Me: Cause my body too bootylicious for you.
Mom: ... what are you talking about?

I Am Skating On Sunday!

I'll be playing in my second Baby Doll Brawl this Sunday! My team is the ICE VIXENS. Note that a certain someone is playing for some team called Hell's Belles. Ugh. The ICE VIXENS are where it's at!

That's me at 0:37 getting hit into a rail during the last bout! I'm sure it'll happen again this time, so if you want to see the non-stop Sara-crushing action, the Doll Factory is the place to be this Sunday at 3!

Here are more details that someone else wrote up to make my life that much easier:

Watch the Live Feed -- Sunday, November 15th, 3pm Pacific -- RIGHT HERE.

-OR-

Buy Tickets HERE to come see the action LIVE!

Bring the whole family to the Factory on Sunday for the bi-annual Baby Doll Brawl. This daytime, all-ages event is an exhibition bout for the league’s newest skaters and notorious for the most gruesome hits. Scope out the up-and-comers before they’re drafted – this is your sneak preview of the 2010 season! Don’t miss the half-time mini-bout featuring pint-sized skaters from the L.A. Junior Derby Dolls.

Fans will be rocking and rolling to bass n' drum rock duo Evil Beaver, who will perform at halftime. Derby Dolls events offer a full range of entertainment off the track, with the Vendor Village featuring art, jewelry and clothes, food from Garage Pizza and Hot Dog on a Stick; wine from Paso Creek; beer from Tecate and Alex’s Bar.

The L.A. Derby Dolls are one of only five leagues in the U.S. playing roller derby on a banked track. Like most modern female roller derby leagues, the Derby Dolls are volunteer-run and give back to the community that has embraced them.

I Got An Ice Cream Cake

For Guy Fawkes Day last week.

I decorated it myself. The store didn't have any orange-colored gel icing.

Dear DirecTV

Dear DirecTV,

We've had a good time together, you and I. Remember when your technicians came and installed you in my new apartment on Superbowl Sunday so I could watch the Patriots lose their perfect season? And then how you were only $40 a month for the first year? And your DVR was so easy to use and the picture so clear -- so much better and cheaper than cable.

But now you're costing me $60 a month, and I just realized that the only channel I watch that I can't get with the $30 per month Family Package is Bravo. And I can watch their shows on Hulu and the Bravo site. Sure, I might have to wait an extra week before they put the episode up, but quite frankly Top Chef isn't very good this season so I don't mind.

But I did try, DirecTV. I called your customer service line and asked Andrew if he could give me a credit or something so I didn't have to find a way to justify spending $30 a month for Bravo. He offered me a monthly credit for $5. Now I have to find a way to justify spending $25 a month for Bravo. Or, really, for Top Chef. That's $300 a year. Um, that's a lot. That's like a hundred Starbucks. Starbucks > Top Chef. So I'll be going with the $30 a month Family Package. But it could be worse. At least I still subscribe to your service, unlike the rest of my poor friends who just get all of their TV from the internet because it's free and you're expensive.

Sincerely,
Sara