I Get Letters!

The other day the mailman brought quite me quite the abundance of riches. First, there was my pre-acceptance into the AARP that I never asked for and have no idea how I was put on their mailing list, but I'm thrilled to be a part of such a wonderful organization of such active and community-minded people. I look forward to getting great deals on my perscription drugs once my application is approved.

Then, I received a letter from DONALD TRUMP HIMSELF!!!! Can you believe it? I couldn't, but the return address looked handwritten so it must be real. I wondered what he could possibly have to say to me. I opened the envelope to find that I have been specially invited to an upcoming event with Donald Trump! He even enclosed VIP tickets. I'm sure he didn't send those to everyone else since VIP mean Very Important Person and you don't send VIP tickets to just anyone. Surely, I had been chosen for one reason or another.

And I know you don't believe such a fantastic tale, so I scanned them in to offer as proof:

Notice the use of the word "special." That's me!

There's "special" again -- and I'm a VIP!

So I was feeling pretty darn cool and thought nothing else I got in the mail could top that. But then I got a letter from my grandparents:

"Grandma and I got to read your article in the Creative Screenwriting magazine: terrific! So full of facts and written so well ... we are very proud of you."

And that letter TRUMPed them all. Excuse my punning; I tend to get sappy on those few occasions when my cold, dark heart melts.