What The Hell Is This Thing.

Dude. I found this thing hanging out on my ceiling last night. After dispatching it in the traditional way by spraying liberal amounts of bleach at it while maintaining the greatest possible distance, I was able to take a few pictures for all my entomologists out there to identify it with. Because I have NO FUCKING CLUE what it is. Maybe it's some common house bug in California, but I have never seen this thing before and it may just be the most horrible, horrible crawling thing I've ever seen that wasn't in a zoo. Even worse than that giant cockroach a few posts back. So please tell me what it is and if it's dangerous and if it will bring friends.

Here it is after my trusty bleach took care of it. It took a while to die and moved fast, so I ended up spraying bleach all over my apartment and had to air it out for the rest of the night.

As it died, all its legs fell off and twitched madly, which is just fucking horrible and nasty oh my god what if this thing has crawled over my face while I'm sleeping ew ew ew ew

This should be the last post of mine that features horrible pictures of horrible bugs, as there cannot possibly be anything worse than this in my apartment. But if there is, I will probably run the hell out of there and straight to the local Orkin Man and then to the nearest reasonably-priced apartment with a vacancy.