A Reason To Watch The News

Jim Hill thought he had it goin' on over at the KCBS nightly news with his perfect newsanchor name: the familiar first name that suggests he's more of an informative friend than a stranger broadcasting to thousands and a solid, unmoving geographical feature for a last name that creates an impression of a trustworthy and dependable news source.

But then they hired JOHNNY MOUNTAIN, who totally one-upped him with his even MORE familiar first name and an even BIGGER and MORE SOLID geographical feature last name! JOHNNY MOUNTAIN is like Jim Hill times one thousand! And he knows it, too. Just look at his face! He is goddamn proud of himself. Meanwhile, poor Jim Hill, squished into a corner, bravely tries to pretend none of this is going on. But his smile doesn't reach his eyes, where his sadness and anger can clearly be seen. Hell, his smile barely reaches his moustache.

Meanwhile, human buffer zones Paul Magers and Laura Diaz are just like " ... awkward."

If this dynamic translates to the news broadcast, I may just start watching.